I met him on my wedding day just 5 minutes before I married his firstborn son. We began a relationship that grew sweeter and deeper with each life experience. He brought a new perspective to my world that only he could. If you knew him, you know what I mean. He was one of a kind and I will never be the same because of the impact he had on my life in the 5 short years he was a part of it. He had a special relationship with Sammy and I am so thankful for the time they had together.
For those of you who don't know, this is Mike's dad. He went home to be with the Lord in July of '06. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in March and the prognosis was 3 months to just under a year. I was due to have Thea in just a few weeks. I immediately dove into a world of denial. I thought it simply impossible that he would be taken from us so suddenly and so early. So when he left us just 4 short months later, it was a shock to me.
I think of him all the time, but lately I have been missing him lots. I think I am experiencing some level of delayed bereavement. As I said I DOVE into denial and it has been a slow process of coming to terms with his death. The other night, I couldn't fall asleep because I was overcome with sadness.
I miss him when I need someone to talk me off of a ledge...... because he would and could.
I miss him when I think of all the lessons he would have proudly and enthusiastically taught Sammy(and the girls too) throughout his life.
I miss him when I remember our trip to San Diego and he insisted on carrying Sammy (pictured above) all over Balboa Park even though we had the stroller.
I miss him because he would sometimes call Mike and tell him to stop being a jerk to me!
I miss him when I think of the times he would randomly call me in the middle of the day just to say he was thinking of me.
I miss him when I just plum don't know what to do with my son and his energy. I just know he would have the perfect answer and non-emotional perspective that I need.
I miss him when we just need someone to come and be with our kids for a day or two so we can get away...because he would in a heartbeat.
I miss him when I am at the house(in NC) and I look out at the yard that he spent so many hours working on. He loved his waterfall and pond. And I miss the future that promised many hours of Sammy working by his side, in the garden, drinking from his well of wisdom.
I miss him when I think of how much he would be enjoying his newest grandbaby Rory.
I am so grateful for the time I had with him. I am grateful that the year before he died, I began to love him like a dad and I am especially grateful that I got the opportunity to tell him so.
11 comments:
I only knew him the four months he had cancer, and he made a lasting impact. Rory will meet him one day... and even though he's not here, there's a scent in every hug, homemade meal, dark chocolate, whisper of the Holy Spirit, homegrown tomato, wise soft words, and mommy smiles that, when she does get to hang out in his arms, I think she'll recognize him, like she's known him all along... It will feel like home.
Chase
I know exactly how you feel. Today would have been my Nanny's birthday and I'm missing her so bad - still in denial that she's gone. I haven't really allowed myself to grieve. It's only been a month but it still doesn't seem real.
Can always count on lil sis for a good cry.....I didn't know Rick well but think of him often. I know how much Mike Loves his Dad and what a special relationship you two had. Until you meet again..
They say that we Americans truly don't know how to grieve. Many of our health issues are because we don't allow ourselves to wail, to stomp, to be SAD!!!! So you go on and let yourself mourn...it is okay! Let's just all give each other permission to lose it every once and awhile.
YOUR KILLING ME BEST COUSIN. YOU HAVE SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS. UGH. OK GOTTA DRY MY TEARS AND GET TO WORK. LOVE YOU ALL, COUSIN JODI
Gina, I'm sorry for your sadness and pain with this. I know the wonderful joy that Ric would have had with your children and you is missing. I still miss him, too.
The first time I met Ric was right before his marriage to Cathi and he took me ice skating. He tried so hard to win me over!
The thing I appreciated most about Ric was that he was willing to apologize for the mistakes and that he and Cathi had some wonderful times together before he got sick. They both deserved that.
I am just now able to drive by the cemetary where the service was and still tear up when I think of him, so I understand your sadness. I don't think either of us understand the hole that was left in Cathi's life. I pray that God would fill up the hole in Cathi, you, his kids and grandkids. That comfort can only come from God.
Thanks all for your comments.
Chase, that is beautiful. Thank you for that encouragement. Dark chocolate. Hah!
Carrie. Your tribute to your Nanny was beautiful and the pictures of her and E are pricless.
AV, sorry to make you cry...again. But that isn't too hard to do.
Jill, there is so much truth in that. I have realized lately that for some reason, I have not allowed myself to cry like I used to. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Life has seemed to harden me a bit, but I am chatting with God about that one. Working through it. And I did. That night that I couldn't sleep I just wept and talked to God about how sucky I think it is. He listened...
Jod, thanks and sorry.
What great pictures of Mike's Dad and Sammy. Pictures to treasure forever. I am sending up a prayer for your heart today. Love and Hugs.
don't you ever apologize to me for being one of the best people on this earth. you are the truest person and so in love with your faith and your family, that i could only wish to be like you one day. thank you for who YOU are!
love, cousin jodi
very sweet...
Hopefully Mike read this
very sweet...
Hopefully Mike read this
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