Please.
I beg you.
Read this.
Tell me what you think.
I am reading it, and re-reading it. Pondering it. Chewing on it and I think I just maight be falling in love. I feel this idea of "free-range parenting" is where my heart is and that I have allowed myself to fall victim to the fear-induced society in which I am raising my caged children. There have been COUNTLESS times where I felt "what's the big deal? Just let them play. Let them climb." Or even the forbidden "let them duke it out." But I lacked the confidence to make that stand for fear that I would be labled a bad parent. How lame. Heaven knows how I dreaded to know what my friends (moms of girls) thought of me that I let Sammy play with guns and swords. I painfully LONG to allow my children to have the free, imaginative,
------------skinned-knee-filled childhood that I had. You've all seen that email that talks about our childhoods. The one about eating dirt and climbing trees and playing throughout the neighborhood until the street lights came on. That was me. That was MY childhood. The very same childhood that ruined my Communion pictures- no make that cancelled my Communion pictures because I fell off the handlebars of my friends bike and got a huge egg on my head the day before the appointment. Boy, was my mom mad.
The very same childhood that presented endless adventures, and endless choices between right and wrong. For example, I grew up at the end of a circular road that had what we called a "sump" at the end of it. The sump was this piece of land that served as a water drainage area as well as a barrier between our neighborhood and a busy parkway. Needless to say, though my parents were about as "free-range" as they came, the sump was prohibited. Though the opportunity to disobey presented itself daily. An opportunity which I took quite often might I add. But isn't that part of growing up? I think that as we hover as parents these days...as I do way too often, one of the hazards we create is the absence of choice. As we hover, there is hardly any chance to CHOOSE right or wrong because we (and by we I mean I) jump in too soon. I've done this primarily in ignorance but now that I am feeling a bit more, shall we say, free...who knows what the future will hold for me and my newly liberated prisone... I mean children.
Oh I can go on and on and I haven't even scratched the surface of all that is racing through this hormonally diminished brain of mine, but I must go wash the bedding that I have stripped off all the beds as I let my kids play BY THEMSELVES. GASP!!!!!!!
I don't know.
What do you think?
P.S. if you people don't start leaving more comments, I may quit blogging. If I wrote just to hear? myself talk I would have a journal. And now that I have quit FB, I need interaction. That is what I will miss about FB, so please make the transition easier on me by leaving comments, even if you were unimpressed with my entry. K? Thanks!
Monday, December 14, 2009
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The crew
About Me
- Gina
- My name is Gina. I am Mike's wife and mom to Sammy Thea and Sadie Ann. Best "job" in the world. I start this blog to share the joys and struggles of my life as a stay at home mom who seeks to fall more in love with Jesus with every passing day.
12 comments:
Hi Gina,
I've heard of this! Have you heard of that book 'Nation of Wimps?' Sara was reading it and told me about it. I want to read it. It's very similar.
ps- I wouldn't think you're a bad mom if you let Sammy play with guns!
Kate, it was matt that first gave me the idea that i was emasculating Sammy. He said it so matter-of-factly and it really made me think. This was 2 years ago.
Oh yeah and I want to read that book. And it was Martha who told me about this article.
Wow, this is all good to read, especially with a new little boy. I am a big believer in letting kids learn the consequences for themselves. (of course within reason) I haven't read the link yet, no time...but I will. Let me pose some questions for you...(again, I haven't read the link yet)...Do you think we live in a time with more danger? For instance, sex predators and such? Don't you think that makes it hard to let your kids loose outside? Also, do you think we project what others think on ourselves or do you think we are just battling ourselves and our own thoughts more?
I'm going to leave you a comment, just because you asked, but it's not a fully-developed thought yet.
My initial feelings are that lying somewhere in the middle of hyper-parenting and under-parenting is probably a good place to be. Incidentally, I also lie somewhere in the middle of school-at-home types and unschoolers, but that's another issue...
My gut reaction is that that article is filled with extremes. I don't think you fall into that particular example of overparenting. I was at Sammy's birthday party. There was plenty of "boy play" going on, and for pete's sake, you had black frosting on the cupcakes!! Some kind of chemical hazard, I'm quite certain.... :)
I hesitate to glean my parenting inspiration from publications such as the one you linked. I think, rather, that being guided by Scripture is where we ought to be. I believe that includes a lot of freedom for children--freedom to make mistakes and suffer the consequences, freedom to have fun, but not so much freedom that parents have lost their position of authority in the household--a tragedy seen quite often---just turn on the Disney channel if you want to see examples of that.
Parents at one extreme or the other miss out on our God-ordained role in our children's lives.
In addition, I don't believe that letting your 9yo ride the subway by himself is "free" parenting. I think that's just unwise. They are children, after all, who are not capable of physically defending themselves against predators, who, I might add seem to be popping up more and more--even teenage predators, as seen locally a couple months ago. That's just a safety issue, not a parenting issue.
So those are my initial thoughts. I'll probably have many more in the days to come but I'll save your blog from my long ramblings. :) We should get together sometime....
and btw, your children are sweet, fun children, who don't seem to be suffering much. :)
You stopped Facebook! I will be sure to check your blog and interact. :0)
My aunt was a pretty free-spirited parent. Not obsessed about germs, a clean house but not a big deal if the shelves were dusty, I didn't go to the doctor unless something REALLY seemed wrong, and then, if I needed to make an appointment (for anything) I started calling for myself around the age of 11 or so. I woke up before my aunt most mornings and got myself ready for school, and I didn't have a lot of rules on what music I could or could not listen to or what I could or could not watch on TV. Now, DON'T get me wrong, she LOVED me and took GOOD care of me... just very "figure it out for yourself" kinda thing.
What I will say is, now I am a slight hypochondriac, germaphobic, hate video-game violence, etc. etc. I am a crazy person. And I DO NOT know where it came from!
Obviously, this is not really an opinion or advice, but simply me saying that I have no idea what is best. But, I agree with some of the other comments. I think your kids are great!
I didn't read the whole article, I lost my concentration, but I have to comment. I like to think that I am a "free" parent. I let Mya walk in the mall and outside strip malls by herself (unless in the parking lot, "big cars big scars". I let her play with the toys she wants.. and when she falls I wait until she looks at me before I go running over. A skinned knee and dirty clothes means they have had fun. This is how they learn. And b/c of that she is a very independent, strong minded, caring and considerate almost 4 year old. I believe that the same danger lurked when we were growing up, there was just less media about it. i can't wait for the day when she plays kickball in the court with the other kids until the streetlights come on!
ps. i didn't know you quit FB.. did I miss the goodbye post?
pss. ahhh, the sump.. nuf said! lol!
G-
I kind of have to agree with good old "g battery". :)
Sometimes the things that inspire us so much are the extremes...mostly because when we critique and look inward at ourselves, we feel so bad about what we're doing, how we're handling things, etc, etc. When the rest of the world might look at your situation & think- wow, she's doing a great job. All that to say- MOMMIES JUST NEED TO PRAY FOR SOME FRICKIN' BALANCE IN THEIR LIVES!!!! :) Protect here, let them explore there, safeguard this, ease up on that...and the only way to get there is through prayer (I'm assuming...still haven't gotten it down pat, so don't think for one second I'm not preaching to myself.) :) I am.
And I like your kids too.
Although your youngest is kind of a bully. :)
J-lo
I like all your comments. Thanks. And i am going to respond more descriptively when my brain is functioning more fully. Just got back from the cookie exchange.
Thanks for posting this link, Gina! Mrs. Schuppe was telling me about this article, but I never got enough info to actually look it up and read it myself so I'm glad you posted it!
I read it this morning and it knocked my socks off!! Its so much to just ponder and think about.
I would have to agree that like so much in life- it's about balance. It's hard to read something like this and not put it through a biblical perspective- but honestly, the paragraphs about fear driving how you raise your kids really hit home. It is such a vulnerable thing to have to admit that so much about taking care of our kids and meeting their needs and protecting them is simply and entirely out of our control. Yet, thankfully, we know who is in control and who loves them more then we do- their Creator.
So, my initial reaction is praying for the wisdom and ability to trust God with them and allow them to experience life under His protection while living up to my responsibility.
Shew! Sorry to ramble there! I'm bummed your not going to be on FB anymore- but your blog is such an encouragement to me I think I would rather be able to interact with you in this way if I have to choose! :) Praying for you this morning! Thanks again for your post, your encouragement and your example!
I like the idea- I let my kids play by themselves most of the time- I'm always within earshot- but they can, and do, play happily by themselves. I let them explore, as I watch from a distance, and let them learn to fall, and deal with not-so-fun-consiquences. Would I rather them learn the importance of obedience, satisfy their curiosity, etc, now while they are young! Hoovering parenting doens't seem Biblical to me! Keep exploring! And I'm one of those parents that let's my son carry around a paint stir stick, pretending it's a sword!
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