Random Inspiration

So I haven't been feeling very inspired lately but as I was just looking back over older post, I am so thankful for the memories that I have recorded. I wish I were more consistent in blogging.

So I had an idea.

I would open my photo folder and click on a photo with my eyes closed and whichever photo popped up would be my inspiration for this post.

This is my little sister Jenny, well, she is Mike's little sister so.......

I met her when she was just a teenager. It was love at first sight for me. I think I blogged about how I always asked for a little sister or brother for every birthday/Christmas. Well my parents never granted that request but thankfully God did through marriage.

We've been through a lot together and I miss her so much.

We survived a very bad haircut experience together.

We have shared too many cookies with milk to mention.

We have danced in celebration and cried in mourning together.

We have laughed together to the point of tears and we have cried together to the point of laughter.

We have loved and we have fought hard together and that is what makes our relationship so sweet.

We used to talk all the time but now a few of life's blessings have gotten in the way of that. She has 2 little girls (whom I adore) AND a full time job, so her time is limited. I hope one day we will live near enough to each other that we can have regular movie/pizza nights and the kids can play with each other after church. sigh!!

I love this beautiful girl and her incredible lil family. I love when one of my kids moves or talks or laughs in such a way that is so much like her. And this happens more often than you might think. Sammy has this snorty laugh that is sooooo Jenny. And Thea has many of her mannerisms.

I love her honesty and vulnerability. I love her radiant beauty. I love her sense of humor and her sensitive, compassionate heart.

I just love HER!!!

The funny thing about this post is that she will likely never read it. She never checks my blog.

My Man

You should check out Mike's website. Juuust click here.

Hi!!!

Lots to say, no time to say it.

Have an interview tomorrow for a pretty cool part-time job!!

Excited!!

Like, jumping for joy excited!!!!

Please pray.

First time in about 6 years that excitement has won out over fear regarding the thought of working.

Would love to stay and write a reeeeaaalllyyy long post, but I have to go write a resume instead. Perhaps magician should be listed on it since it will take an act of magic to create a resume for this lil' ol' stay-at-home mom.

MY Niece or Nephew

My sister-in-law and her husband are in the process of adopting a baby from Ethiopia. I am so excited to think that there is a very special member of our family out there waiting to be brought home.

Jenny and Chase recorded a Children's Worship CD to help raise the needed funds.

I ordered 2 and I think you should too!! It would make a great Christmas gift.

Here is where you can GET the information.

Author Unknown, But Who Obviously Lives in My House

If you give a mom a muffin,She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.

She'll pour herself some.Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.

She'll wipe it up.Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.

She'll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer,She'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She'll look for her cookbook ("101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger").

The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.

She will look for her checkbook.

The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.She'll smell something funny.

She'll change the two year old's diaper.

While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.

She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

And chances are...

If she has a cup of coffee,Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I really don't mind that there is Christmas music playing on the radio and I haven't eaten turkey yet.

I don't mind that the stores are decorated in sparkly red, green and gold along with the turkeys and Fall foliage decor.

I don't mind that Christmas wreaths are being hung on the rooftops of various strip malls by the second week of November.

It just doesn't bother me.

Though it DID feel a bit wrong that they were selling pre-packaged Christmas cookies in October. Like, what were they made of that, if I bought them, they would last for 2 months? Scary.

I do feel, however, that Thea validated that there does exist some holiday crossover confusion. As we were leaving her dance class, she boldly proclaimed to her teacher;

"Happy ThanksChristmas!!!!!!!!!"

The whole lobby erupted in laughter.

Because You Asked.....

...and because I kinda invited you all on this adventure and suddenly left you hangin. And because I need to do this. My delay wasn't entirely unintentional. The reason I never updated you after my trip to Orlando is because I myself had to process the experience and try to put it into words, if even in my own head. This proved more difficult than I anticipated. So, here is my best attempt. I've pulled the laptop out onto the couch, have a snack and water and the tv on for the girls so I can get this over with.


Let's begin with Orlando. WOW!!! It was truly amazing. An incredible experience for sure. Competing in front of some of the biggest agents in the industry, learning from them in seminars, hanging out with my AMTC Annapolis peeps and laughing.... A LOT. Staying in a beautiful resort and hoping for a future in the industry. Such an experience of a lifetime that I am so thankful for.
The trip ended with Speed-Networking which kinda popped the bubble for me. I met with about 10 agents who (all but 1) told me to "work your local market" meaning "hey kid, don't call us we'll call you.", except not so nice. 90% of the agents were from NY, LA, Atlanta or Dallas and had NO interest in people who were not willing to move there.
Which leads me to question why in the world AMTC recruits thousands of people from small cities and provides no representation from said cities at Convention. Which is another post all-together, for another day, that will never come. Whatever!!!!!
The last agent I spoke to (from Charlotte), gave me some encouragement and advice, took my headshot and told me she would put it in her casting book. So I am thankful that God granted a positive ending to an otherwise discouraging morning.

Then, back home... to reality where "working your local market" proved to be QUITE laborious. Now, if I had all my time to give, it would actually be fun, exhilerating really. As I type these words (still processing) I realize how weird it is that the same journey, in my personal experience, could either be LABORIOUS or exhilerating. This is only a small part of why this has been so difficult for me to work out in my mind, much less explain to other people. But here is the deal in a nut shell. We were told from the get-go that this industry is BRUTAL. It takes a lot of hard work, money and commitment to make it. And upon coming home it seemed I could try to make it work. I went on an audition, submitted for a few others, was an extra in a small film, went into DC and Baltimore for various classes or meetings. It was all very exciting.

And then.....

Fall came. Sammy started school (along with our babysitter), Thea started dance and co-op, the girls and I started BSF, and I started "schooling" Thea. Oh yeah and I began going to a counselor (but that is another post).
Let me just say; I love our Fall schedule. But as you can imagine, it hardly leaves room for me to try to kick off a career/hobby, especially one so unstable, and into which you must invest much money and time with NO guarantee of return much less success.

There came my crisis point. In practical ways such as having only one headshot left to submit and no money to get more printed, the need to take classes to get "in" with the local casting directors and no money to take said classes. Seems to be a theme here?
And then there was the less than practical crisis; an identity crisis of sorts. It became undeniably clear that "it" just wasn't gonna happen at this point in my life. After much consideration and thought, I realized that in order to make "it" happen, there would have to be GREAT sacrifice. It would mean sacrificing the most important thing to me.......... my most important passion...... to be at home with/for my kids. This is what God has asked of me and EVERY time I think of doing anything else I come near to a full-on panic attack. Wait, maybe I did have that attack (but that is a different post). Bathroom floor anyone?

There are 2 pictures book-ending this post that I feel truly do represent me. 2 very different parts of me, but both, very much me nonetheless. One closer to the center of my reality than the other.

Perhaps,

someday,

God will bring these parts closer together, closer to the center of me. But for now they stay as bookends and God at the center as I press into Him to be the woman He has created me to be.

I feel I have rambled.
I feel I have left so many details out.
I feel I have tried my best to bring clarity.
I feel I have failed terribly at bringing clarity.
I feel I have much more to work out (but that is between me and my Abba).
I feel this story is not over.
I feel there is a time for every season.
And most of all
I feel I have NEVER enjoyed my kids more.
I feel there is so much more to say.
I feel my kids need me to make lunch.
I feel it is my joy and privilege and my CURRENT calling to make lunch.
I feel the best is yet to come.............