Long, Hard Week. Good, Loving God

Yes, we had a fun weekend.
No, I haven't downloaded the pictures yet.
After a very busy and exhausting weekend, we headed full force into the week by meeting friends in DC for dinner Monday night. I drove with the kids into Bethesda to meet Mike at his office. We met our friends J and W and their two beautiful kids. What a nice time. Dinner outside on a beautiful night, well behaved kids, good food and encouraging conversation. Our cell phones rang a few times and we just ignored them.
After dinner we headed to Starbucks. Where else? They have added my favorite seasonal drink, one of my biggest Fall temptations. Pumpkin Spice Latte is near impossible for me to resist. Yummy. We said our goodbyes, promising that another 2 years would not pass before our next meeting. We loaded up the van and headed home.

Then we answered the phone.

It was our friend N with some horrible news. He gave us the shocking news that a friend from our church (I will call him Uncle Plum) had suddenly passed away that afternoon.
What? How can that be? I just saw him yesterday? He just taught Sammy's Children's Church class. What? Oh no! No! What? So young. Not enough time. God, no!
I was immediately overcome with true and deep grief. Oh, it hurt so badly and so instantly. Uncle Plum was the type of guy that made you feel at ease. Whenever I was around him, I just felt happier. He was a man on fire for God and sold out for His Kingdom.
And his radiant smile.....
He leaves behind his wife K, a great and godly woman. They were married for just over a year. He was just 25 years old. Young, young, young.
Since receiving the news, I have heard the words repeatedly, from several people (including my own thoughts) This just doesn't make sense.
Almost as instantly as my grief hit, I recognized a challenge before me. I knew then that this was a test of my faith. I agreed absolutely that this DID NOT make sense. Not in my understanding of the way things should be. So I had a choice, you have a choice, we all have a choice in these very crucial moments in this life. In light of the acceptance that this does not make sense, the question is, will I trust God? Will I relinquish this innate desire for things to be good and easy and happy. The desire to never have to say goodbye to the ones we love, to never have to endure hardship and pain. Will I trust that He is good? I have proclaimed that He is good. I have declared that, though this life is hard, God is good. Now I am faced with the challenge; is God good, even in this?

I have made my choice and will boldly declare that He is good.

Do I understand this? Nope.

But I will declare that He is good.

Do I declare it because it is the right thing to do? Nope.
Do I declare it because I'm scared to doubt? Nope.
I declare it in the midst of this intensely painful situation because He has proven His goodness time and time again in my life. He has been so very faithful to me. Would it make sense for me to suddenly doubt Him, just because this life is hard? That, to me, would be ludicrous. The way I see it, I can choose to try to navigate through this unbearable and "senseless" situation on my own or I can draw near to my Father who promises to walk with me every step of the way. Either way it is hard and confusing.

I choose to cling to my Loving Father's embrace.

This post has taken a week to construct. It has been a long, emotional and exhausting week. At the beginning of the week I vowed I would fight to trust. No matter what it took, I would fight. I vowed that this awful unimaginable trial would not destroy what I know to be true. I began this post at the beginning of the tragic week and I conclude after many things have transpired, including Uncle Plum's funeral service. A funeral service that was out of this world...almost literally.
It was a time of much grief for me as we sang praises to our King. The grief came because it hurt to imagine the Sundays to come without Uncle Plum. I did not interact with him during the week, but he was very much a part of my Sunday worship. He often read the Scripture for the day and K is on the praise team. I so enjoy worshiping with them both. I will miss hearing his voice relay the Word to our church body. 2 Sundays before he passed I glanced over at him and K during Sunday School, and they were holding hands and I smiled. Not an unusual site for most couples, but there was something about their love that always made me smile. Sadness overtook me as we sang of our Father's love, because I imagined how sad it will be for K to worship without him on the Sundays to come.
It was a time of much rejoicing for me as we sang praises to our King. Rejoicing in knowing that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. There is hope when we have to say goodbye to a dear brother because we know beyond all doubt that we will one day worship together at the feet of Jesus. How glorious. I have often imagined my mom worshiping (and dancing without pain) at the feet of Jesus. And I look forward to one day joining her. See for those who know Christ, there is hope in death. It is not final, but a new and glorious beginning. Make no mistake, it still hurts. But there is hope in the hurting.
It was a time of intimate fellowship with my Father as He told me through the various speakers, to keep believing, keep fighting and keep drawing near to Him. He confirmed that every day that we get to spend with those we love, every laughter, every beautiful sunset and sunrise, every baby's smile is a gift from Him. Gifts undeserved, but given abundantly anyway.

So at the end of a long, hard, week and at the beginning of another one.

I have made my choice and I do declare that He is Good.

His mercies are new every morning.
Please keep K in your prayers as she faces this choice every second of every day from now until she meets her love and worships Jesus by his side, hand in hand, once again.